The Road to Enlightenment

- Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact just fuck off and leave me alone.


- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.


- If at first you don' t succeed, skydiving is not for you!


- The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you' re going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.


- Never test the depth of the water with both feet.


- Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any!


- If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.


- Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.


- If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.


- Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.


- The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.


- Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.


- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.


- No one is listening until you fart.


I received this via e-mail and found it hysterical, hope ya'll like it too!!